Category Archives: Just my thoughts
Things that are on my mind.
What people think
People think I am talented. I feel mediocre.
People think I have all the answers. I do not.
People think I don’t make mistakes. I do.
People think I am strong. I am not.
People think I am fearless. I am terrified.
People think I have direction. I am lost.
People think I am an amazing wife. I am just a wife.
People think I am a “Uber” mom. I am just a mom.
This past week I had the amazing opportunity to join a fabulous group of individuals at the #140 Conference Ontario in Kitchener. A group that although I speak with a fair number of them on twitter on a regular basis, I really don’t “know”.
People think I am confident. I am not.
For me, walking into this conference was petrifying. Although I knew I had one IRL friend in the room (@jackiyo) and many others I “know” on twitter, I felt like I should be turning around and heading back to my car. Then, when Jeff Pulver (@jeffpulver) opened the day by saying something about being in the room with 200+ of his best friends, I really felt like I was intruding on a private party. As much as I wanted to be a part of that amazing group of people, I felt like a fraud. A fraud who was desperate to sneak out a side door except there wasn’t one.
Then the stories started and I was transfixed. It was like a book you can’t put down or a movie you never want to end. It was life-changing. I could tell you how every speaker taught me something, because they did, but for me two speakers stood out.
The first was Brianne Jourdin (@touchbykenadie), a mom of a child with special needs. Yes, that fact alone connects us but it was two completely unrelated statements in her 10 min speech that flashed like a beacon to me. “I went to a tweet up and I got to the door and was so afraid, I turned around and left. I regret that now.” …..That was me!
Back in May, I went with @JackiYo to WomenInBiz Conference in Toronto and at the tweet up the night before; I arrived, I walked through the room and I left. I went back to my room, threw up (gross but true) and tried to DM my husband on twitter. He wasn’t around. Then after a thirty minute argument with myself, I went back to the party and ended up meeting a great group of girls (all named Jen, oddly enough) and had a great night. Yet here again, at this #140ConfOnt, I was feeling the same thing.
You see, I find the task of walking up to people and introducing myself nearly immobilizing. I NEED others to make the first move, to approach me, to start the conversation otherwise, I find myself sitting alone, feeling lost and wondering why I’m even there. I know that once I have that opening, I’m usually fine. I can fake the confidence after that but taking that first step is almost debilitating.
That brings me to my second ah ha moment of the conference. Lara Galloway (@mombizcoach) talked about the “Me Too!” phenomenon of the Social media world. When you feel like you’re all alone, or you’ve done something that you think people are going to judge you for, SM shows you that others have been there or are there with you right now.
…..”I just fed my kids peanut butter sandwiches for the third meal in a row. 
” ……”Me Too!”
…..”I just realized I didn’t shower or get dressed today. :S ” …….”Me Too!”.
…..”I don’t think I can walk into this room full of strangers.” …..”ME TOO!”
It was an outstanding day full of outstanding stories and everyone who left took with them the feeling that they had been a part of something sacred. There were numerous tales of heartbreak, loss, and pain mixed in with successes, lessons and encouragement. It was like a giant group hug and by the end, I did make the effort to introduce myself to four individuals… @tjzmommy, @touchedbykenadie, @optimom and @TheKarltopia.
I know what you’re thinking, but Jen…four?!?! There were well over 200 people there! Ya, but after four my stomach couldn’t handle any more. Four was an accomplishment.
People think I have it all together. I do not.
This conference showed me that I don’t need to feel alone.
That I don’t need to be all that people think I am.
That it’s ok for me to be me.
People think I am happy…. I think maybe I can be…
But please, if you see me at #BlissdomCanada, say hello. Help me break away from this fear and maybe, by the next #140Conference, I won’t be looking for the closest exit.
Dear Blog,
Purple Hyacinth "Please Forgive Me"
I’m sorry. I haven’t meant to neglect you. I didn’t mean to leave you unattended for so long.
The real world became very overwhelming during the summer and, as hurtful as it is to hear, you weren’t my first priority. Oh, who am I kidding, you weren’t a priority at all!
In my defense, I thought of you often. I had stories to share, titles to entice, subjects to dive into all swirling around in my head.
To prove my intention to do right by you, I have a list of headlines & activities that I’m sure you would approve but alas, the articles were never shared. The sagas never revealed. The adventures never told. I beg your understanding.
My kids were home for the summer. My calendar was full to the brim. There were trips to the pool and journeys to far off lands. There were traumatizing acts of nature. Food to be processed and stored. Ultimately, there were people who I love dearly who needed me. Priorities.
But I’m here now! My family members are back into their routines.
My case load has lifted (as lifted as it gets).
I still have my list and I’m ready to share.
I do care passionately about you and your well-being.
Please forgive my absence.
Jen
Here is just part of my “LIST TO WRITE” that accumulated over the summer. I get so many ideas in a day, I’d love to hear what you’d be interested in reading about. • Our trip to an Egg Farm. • Down Syndrome as a derogatory comment ?!?! • My husband – my biggest supporter and critic all in one. • Miss May • The disappearance of the Value of Community • Music Therapy, Brain Gym, Body Talk – the other therapies • Three Kids, One Husband, A Van and Two VERY DIFFERENT Trips. • Kentucky State Fair • AGCHAT – Nashville will never be the same….or is that WE’LL never be the same. • Stress and Irrational Fears • FUF3 – Our home town is getting destroyed and we’re living it online, 1,100km away with Twitter • Farmers Feed Families • Chili Sauce, Tomato Sauce, Apple Sauce and Salsa! • #140 Conference Ontario – Don’t Think, Dream Big & Do it! • You’re only a big deal if you’re a big deal at home first!
Canada Day Parade!
Yesterday I was thrilled to be apart of the first ever Club 21 Canada Day Parade Float!
With the help of a tractor & wagon from one of our farm families, some strategically placed Canadian flags and a few not so subtle Down Syndrome Awareness signs, we loaded up some of our kids and families and joined the festivities as we made our way around the Square in Goderich for the annual Canada Day Parade!
The float was a great success and more importantly, we all had a fantastic time!
Our Canada Day Float
A Bear and a Ladybug waving to the crowd.
Our message to the crowd... "don't DIS my ABILITY!"
and "more ALIKE than DIFFERENT"
Brought to you by Club 21 - Huron County!
HAPPY CANADA DAY from Club 21 – Huron County!
Happy Canada Day!
Proud Canadians!
From my family to yours, Happy Canada Day Weekend. We hope you’re enjoying the sun.
Delaware Speedway with Farmers Feed Families & EHR
Saturday, my husband Wayne and I had the pleasure of joining Ed Hakonson, his lovely wife Heidi, daughter Jamie and their EHRacing team at the Delaware Speedway. Ed is the proud owner of two NASCAR racing teams, one of which is the new #8 Farmers Feed Families Dodge.
The Hakonson’s are a wonderful family and amazing business family. They launched the “Farmers Feed Families” brand as part of their Choko Authentic Apparel Lines. A brand that I personally have a soft place in my heart for.
Wayne has worked with the company to try to help build awareness of this fabulous brand and, as a show of gratitude, they invited us to join them at the third race of their new car. EHR, partnered with Snap-on Tools, Choko Motorsports, Castrol, Fast Eddie Racewear, Permatex and Cathcart Trucking have their #8 car carrying the brand “Farmers Feed Families” reminding everyone that “Farmers Rule”. The Dodge is a beautiful machine and along with it’s awesome driver, Don Thomson Jr, is making quick work of introducing the team to the NASCAR community. The teams first two races have ended on the podium with two third place finishes.
This weekend at the Keystone Light 200 however was a bit of a different story.
After spending the afternoon hanging on pit row with both of Ed’s teams, we got to experience the energy of the crowds during autograph signing and finally an amazing race full of tension, excitement and a hint of disappointment (EHR’s other team – had a disappointing last 5 laps), we finished our day on the highest high possible. Team 8 “Farmers Feed Families” crossed the finish line in first place – taking the teams first 1st place finish and we got to be a part of it!
I can’t tell you how exciting the day was or how grateful I am to Ed and the whole EHR team for including us in this event.
Take a look at the images I captured to remind me of the day!
Ed Hakonson - owner EHR
Mean Machine
Farmers Rule
THE Logo
Logos
Qualifying Lineup
Team 8
Qualifying Run
Meeting of the minds
Pre Race Interview
Living a Dream
Don Thomson Jr signing autographs
Fan Photos
8
Helping hand out Farmers Feed Families stickers
Young Fan
Victory Lap
Emerging Champion
First Place Trophy
Victory Lane
The Podium
Don Thomson Jr
Winning Team 8
And if you like the thought behind the “Farmers Feed Family” brand – head over to Facebook and “LIKE” their page. You’ll be able to keep up with the team and support a true Canadian family business.
abearaladybugandapeanut.wordpress.com 
The Power of Silence
Sep 21
Posted by Jen Black
Researchers have shown that it takes two positive comments to offset one negative, and some believe the ratio should be 5-to-1 for loved ones, spouses, parents, children, etc.
We seem to have a built-in bias toward negative information and negatives increase disproportionately over positives. That’s why personal insults or criticism hit us harder and stay with us longer.
Sunday night I wrote a post about my experience at the #140ConfOnt entitled . It was hard. It was terrifying. It was a mistake.
However, Monday morning I awoke to an avalanche of support. People thanking me for writing my truth. People who were proud, could relate and were relieved to hear they weren’t alone.
Close to two hundred of people read my blog. A huge amount left comments. Words of wisdom, support and thanks.
I was over-whelmed. I was thankful. I was happy with myself for publishing it when I truly wanted to send it to the trash. I was proud.
Then I showed it to a loved one. Someone important in my life. Someone I look up to. Someone I trust. Their reaction was unexpected. It shocked me.
I was lost. I was hurt. All the positives my friends had been saying all day were gone. Dust. Worthless. Irrelevant.
The sad part was that the person didn’t “say” anything. They just said “huh.” and shrugged it off.
Silence. Nothing…. “Huh.”
Silence – it’s a powerful tool. Almost more powerful than a negative in that it leaves the receiver at a complete loss as how to read the reaction.
Silences leaves you second guessing and, because of the “bias towards the negative”, always believing the worst.
People think I am strong. I am not.
I spiraled. I went right back to regretting the post. I went right back to feeling like I never should have walked in that room. I went right back to believing that the whole thing was a mistake.
I went home that night afraid to hear my husband’s thoughts. I knew he had not read it yet. He knew the topic and had seen some of the feedback but he hadn’t actually read it yet. What was he going to think. Would he be silent?
Lucky for me, he is a wonderful support. He was proud and just as positive as the hundreds of others. And, although I still have a knot in my gut stewing the sadness that one response created, somewhere in all of those research documents it must show that a husband’s love can overpower all the uncertainty the world can offer.
Jen
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Tags: #140ConfOnt, confidence, esteem, feedback, Follow-up, negative comments, parents, positive comments, self worth, What People Think