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Got the Shoes

So, I’m ready.
I’ve found a pair of “too cool” shoes.
I have my costume made …and it turned out ok, I think.
My bags are mostly packed with just a few toiletries to add in the morning.
I have a #GirlsRoadTrip set up with some awesome tweeps thanks to #BlissDomCanada sponsor #GMCanada and their loan of a new Equinox.
I have a healthy breakfast waiting for me thanks to #Kellogg’s another #BlissDomCanada sponsor who, along with #MabelsLabels, sent each participant an awesome box of swag last week.
I’ve left my fridge full for my family and the laundry is clean (although I did not manage to get it folded and put away). #BasketDiggingWillBeRequired.

So I’m ready…. Right?!?!

So why do I feel like I’m going to burst into tears?!?
Why do I want to crawl under my covers and forget to come out in the morning?
Why am I so scared?

There are tons of people, who I talked to daily going to this conference.
These are people who I really enjoy. They are nice, kind, helpful, smart, funny, successful, wonderful people…. so why, when I have the chance of a lifetime to go and spend three full days with them, do I want to run the other way?

I’ve struggled my whole life with confidence issues.
I know why I have these issues. I know the people that perpetuated these feelings in me are idiots but yet the damage they caused is there. I fight it everyday. I was told I wasn’t good enough. I was told I was fat. I was told I would never be successful because I made/make bad decisions. I was made to feel on a regular basis that I wasn’t good enough and I was letting people down.

Years later, I am a grown up. I recognize the destructive nature of parts of my childhood yet it still effects me everyday. It’s like music in the back of my head that I can’t turn off no matter how hard I try. Unfortunately, people don’t realize this about me. They think I’m confident and secure but that’s a skill I’ve learned to fake. If I didn’t pretend to be that, I’d be told I was being ridiculous and to grow up and not be a baby. I was an embarrassment.

And that’s it I think. Going to #BlissDomCanada. Meeting all these successful people, these fabulous people and having all of them realized I shouldn’t be there. I’m nothing special.

Ultimately, not being good enough and letting everybody down.

OK. Now that all that’s been said…

I am going to try to get some sleep. I’m going to take three deep cleansing breaths. Imagine myself enjoying every moment of this exciting adventure.

I am ready. I will do this. I am good enough

What holds you back? Have others created fears in you that are unfounded? Tell me about it!

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