Illness, Commitments, Loss and Indifference

I started off this year with high hopes of writing often. Photographing everything and documenting all our highs, lows and daily grinds…

Ya, that didn’t happen.

So what did? Life, I suppose, but that’s no excuse.

I started off ok but then January 25th my youngest got sick and then, shortly afterwards, I got sick.

Now I don’t mean I had a cold, or a headache or anything minor that I could or should have pushed through (although, I did try to for the first 5 days). I mean I got sick. Pneumonia to be precise. Three full weeks in bed with the inability to move, eat or even get myself to the washroom. Ya, sick.

Then, a week after I first got laid up, my little ladybug got sick. First with pink eye, then with an extreme asthma attack, followed soon after by pneumonia. Ya, that’s just how we roll around here. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another! Anyway, pneumonia isn’t fun for anyone but for my ladybug it can be very dangerous. She has very narrow airways and any kind of congestion is bad but once it gets to the pneumonia stage she’s walking on thin ice.

But I’m sick, remember?! Step in my husband Wayne.
Let me premise this with the statement that Wayne is a fabulous father. Helpful. Loving. Engaged. But when it comes to the medical knowledge of our kids, well, that’s my department. Wayne does not do doctors, hospitals or needles… EVER.

But he stepped up. He held down the fort so to speak. He came through when the chips were down.

Even when, just as I was starting to get some wind back in my sails, our youngest fell to the virus in our house, Wayne held strong.

Fast forward to the end of February – we’re all run down and still coughing but life is starting to return to normal. Wayne takes us to Ottawa with him while he attends a conference. We visit friends. We visit museums. We rest.

Then my mother delivers some tragic news. My Aunt Lynn (a fabulously positive and determined women) passed away. After successfully beating cancer twice in her lifetime, complications arising from her third fight took too big a toll on her body and she could fight no more.
We were on our way home from Ottawa but Wayne couldn’t attend the funeral. He had commitments he couldn’t postpone or miss so I took the children on to Midland alone. Still recovering from being sick, I tried my best not to cough on everyone and not to spread pink eye that was still circling through my children over and over again.

When we finally returned home, much delayed and fighting exhaustion I was indifferent. Lost. I felt disconnected from everyone and everything. I couldn’t get motivate. I put on almost all the weight I had lost prior to getting sick. I couldn’t write, tweet, or engage.

I celebrated my thirty-ninth birthday during this time. I wasn’t depressed about my birthday (I don’t get to worked up about my age, my son turning 8 soon is another story!) but still so indifferent.

In comes March Break. Usually I am not a fan of March Break but this year proved much different thanks to the weather.
I am a sun girl and this week has offered up weather that literally makes my heart sing! We’ve been outside everyday soaking up the rays. We took a trip to the Welland Canal. We’ve walked on the beach. We’ve started our seeds for our garden.
Things are looking up!

So, although I did completely dropped the ball on my New Year’s Resolution and even though I’m not a fan of excuses, I’m going to let myself off the hook for the past (almost) two months and try to just get back on my horse.

How have your new years resolutions been going? Anybody else dropped the ball? Are you going to start over or give up?


About Jen Black

Jennifer is a stay at home mom of three raising her family with her "agvocating" husband on a farm in Huron County, Ontario. She is a designer, photographer, Social Media junkie and blogger. Her former life included advertising, marketing, and life in the big city. You can follow her on twitter @jennileeblack

Posted on March 18, 2012, in Down Syndrome, Just my thoughts, My Bear, My Ladybug and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. You are forgiven because you are an AWESOME mom….

  2. Thanks for the great comment. We are here to help each other. When we are up & when we are down. I’ve kept up with my resolution – take the year one day at a time. I don’t want to leave any opportunity at the side of the road as I drive through this year because I’m focused on a particular resolution.
    You rock. You have done amazing things for our children & our family.
    Rock on.
    Blog or not.

  3. At the beginning of an optimistic year, a resolution seems like a such a great idea. Generally speaking, I find most resolutions fairly….unrealistic.

    I wrote a note about this very thing – my goal for running was to do better, be faster, run farther. That’s totally not realistic, as a single mom, working full time and volunteering. And I’m not giving up any of those things. I will be content just getting out there for a run, whether its long or short or fast or slow.

    Anyone experiencing the things you have would have let the most insignificant things slide. And blogging, tweeting and photographing can wait (thanks for not photographing barf 🙂 )

    Being a mom/dad, husband/wife, partner or friend means that you don’t have to go it alone. While we each might have our own roles to play in the relationship, sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. Congrats to Wayne for stepping up!

    If you didn’t take that time to heal yourself….you’d never be able to “be there” for anyone else. Congratulations on making it through the past couple of months – you are a strong, beautiful woman!

    • Thanks for the thoughts and support Jacqui. I think I realized I wouldn’t be perfect with my resolutions I just hoped I’d make the effort. I think it was the indifference that bothered me the most. I’m looking forward to the army of spring to bring back my positivity and hope!

  4. Hang in there Jen! Spring is around the corner and with it comes renewal!

    • Thanks Mark! I couldn’t be more grateful for the earlier spring we’re getting. Nothing better than getting out in the sun and fresh air to get the positive energies flowing.

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